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Should I compare Myself to Trees? Is that what you're saying?

Updated: Jan 17

TAPIF. It's a program that allows applicants to become an english teaching assistant in France. As I was in the process of graduating this past year, 2020 during the outbreak of COVID-19(really cant go anywhere now without reaching that collection of letters and numbers) I did not think too much about what I wanted to do because I had already planned to apply to this program. I wanted to travel. In short, be somewhere else, meet new people, build fantastical memories. I'm nomadic in that way which creates tension because I love my family and miss them dearly when I am away. Another motivation making me want to take part in this program is improving my french. I am working toward the goal of bilingualism. You will be happy to know that I am, in fact getting closer. But it also seems that they keep moving the finish line in terms of "reaching" bilingualism. I wonder if I'll ever reach it. But then I think about all the english words that I don't know. There must be at least a million.

And that's something isn't it? I am having the continual revelation that "destinations" are merely illusions in the hallucination that is living. It's like moving while looking around yourself or the contrary, being still and looking around at all the moving things. If you are riding a bike looking at a tree you are passing, then the tree is standing still because of the notion that you are passing it (and trees are know for notoriously staying in the same place). But what if, you are riding a bike and you pass some people walking? You passing them does not neglect the fact that they are still moving in their own direction at their own speed. And don't forget that trees grow to an hauteur to which the humans could never imagine growing. Trees move in a direction that is entirely different, conceptually than the way humans move and often think about moving. The point is that bilingualism will be a tireless goal that will never, despite my best efforts, cease to be completed.

I am having the continual revelation that "destinations" are merely illusions in the hallucination that is living.

Would you agree that we can never complete? Is not completion but a human created concept? A concept to increase achievements. In short, a capitalist mindset. Maybe you agree with this but then pose the question that isn't having a finish line, a completed product(look at that capitalist vocabulary) a good thing? I agree, however i often become consumed by tunnel vision. The product should not be all consuming of my gifts and energy. The way there, if we remember to look up often is more worthy than getting to where we are trying to end up.

And if we make "there" retirement, what is there to get once we are old enough to be retired? A life of nonstop tireless work to gather a big enough nest egg to retire early... yet we people retire it seems that the one thing they miss is moving, interacting, learning. To put it frankly, work(maybe not their job but the notion of work). So in school we learn to gather knowledge to be able to acquire a good paying job and then retire around 65 and then pick up hobbies that keep our minds and hands busy. I can tell you right now that plan is a fractured one.

What I'm saying is that life outline acts upon the notion that there exist destinations. But if you ask someone who reached one of these prized destinations like retirement, more likely than not I think you'll find that they haven't stopped creating their own journey. To stand still is a privilege but to be fixed still is prison.

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